The Highwayman, Revisited

Owls hoot softly above me and ravens cry
I dash the oppressive mist before my eyes 

My mount is restive, tossing his head

Can he feel what is filling me with dread?

I cluck gently, urging him into a trot

We gather speed toward God knows what

The mist gathers and the night is still 

Save the thud of Ed’s hooves and a strange high trill

And the pounding of my own unquiet heart

What strange power makes this night, what black art?

Soon the ill-fashioned path

Opens into a wide and wild swath

Of greenland, thick with herbiage and stinging nettles 

Afar off I fancy I hear a whistling kettle

Now I arrive at a cottage in a clearing

I dismount, pat Ed’s twitching flank, fearing 

The ride has been too hard for him and I 

Must rub him down at once, but the front door creaks

And opens revealing a maiden with a widow’s peak

“Good evening, Sir, you will take tea with me?”

“Yes, but my horse–” “Will be well taken care of by old Harry.”

Harry appears at my side and takes the reins

I notice Ed has been scratched by the nettles, but he never complains

“He’s a thoroughbred of rare merit,” I declaim

A good rubdown, water, hot bran mash, will put him on his game

And Harry, for God’s sake, get the nettles out,”

I saw his dour doughy face flinch to a redoubt

Well, no manner, I have the mistress there

The lovely lady with the raven hair

She takes my leather-gloved hand in her small pale cool one

Smiles at me with ruby lips and says, “No, here we don’t get the sun

“But won’t you come in for a spot of tea?”

“I’d love to, of course, Miss, but who may I say is inviting me?”

She laughs.”I’m Arianna. And you?”

“Richard.” “Oh…The Lionhearted?” I laugh too.

She lay her cool hand on my arm.

“Well, come in and dine now, my friend”

I doff my top hat, hoping this is not the end

We enter that dark manse, I with growing dread

It is candlelit, furnished in red

She bids me sit at table and I do

She pours tea and hands me scones, cakes, sandwiches too

Then she sits, arranging her robes around her

I am startled by the low growl of some cur 

“Don’t be afraid, it’s just Blackie, he won’t bite”

“Uhm… You set a nice table, Arianna, quite”

I glance at her and am startled to discover

How very beautiful she is, how suddenly I wish to unwrap her, to uncover 

All that perfect porcelain white skin 

I blush at the thought of my sin 

She looks at me over the edge of her teacup with huge green eyes 

Slanted like a cat’s, I think of stormy skies

Her jet-black hair is drawn back

So that it tumbles in curls down her back

“You notice my widow’s peak,” she says

“It was recently acquired, but the hair is mine. It is–”

She takes a sip of tea. “I’m from Wales ”

“Ah, I hear they make very good ales”

She laughs. “That they do, and more ”

I bite into a cake, hoping I am not a bore

“You’re not, Mr. Eh?”

“Robertson” I quickly say.

“Well I am Miss Lewis. Are you THE”

“Of Kensington House, yes,” I quickly say

Not wanting to mention my other holdings; not today 

She smiles and dimples prettily and flutters dark lashes 

I stare spellbound, I could crumble to ashes 

Not noticing. I drink my tea as in a dream 

To be continued…

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The Hand

Shelley was the one who found the packet. 14 years old, her blonde hair pulled back in a low ponytail, her characteristic grave expression at odds with her snub nose and wide blue eyes, spotted the atypical perfectly immaculate Fed Ex package atop a dumpster outside the local Pizza Hut. Brewster, a tiny outlier of Missoula, nevertheless possessed all the usual services and all the usual trash. Only not in exactly the same point in space and time.
“Huh,” she said, lifting the package carefully. For all she knew it might be a letter bomb. Her friends crowded round recklessly.
“Open it,” Troy, a 16-year-old with the air of some authority, urged. Sally, Shelley’s age, flipped back her bangs and stood up straight.

To be continued…

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The Vampire’s Kiss

There you stand
In your most beguiling attire
Black and crimson corset
Bedeck’d with scarlet ribbons
Black multilength lace skirt
Also brave with ribbons
Lace-up boots
A choker, dripping with onyx gems,
Round your pretty white neck
Your lips ruby, shiny, moist for the kiss you hope to get
Your hair, long and dark, streaming down your back
You await your prince

There–there is scratching at your window
You fling wide the sashes
There he is–your dark prince
Handsome, yes, preternaturally so, saturnine,
Smiling, smiling at you, only you
You ask him in
And he glides into the room to stand at your bed
“Lie down, lubirea mea,” he says, patting the red satin coverlet,
And half in fear, half in anticipation, you do.

You close your eyes, feeling his closeness, a cold wild feeling, and you shiver, lips turned up.

But the kiss, when it comes, is at your throat, and it is piercingly cold, then warm
Then all is darkness, and when you awaken, it is to a strange new life

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Smoking

No matter how I try, I can’t seem to stop smoking. Sometimes a cigarette calls me in the middle of the night. “Tabbi, come smoke me!” It cries insistently, and often I answer by stumbling to the bathroom and grabbing it.

I’ve tried the patch, the gum and the lozenge, I’ve tried cold-turkeying; nothing works! No matter how many times I’ve tried, no matter how long I’ve been off, always I return to the cancer sticks which have enslaved me.

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1969

A year of sadness, no rejoicing
No longer quite hip to be a hippie
But I was one anyway
The deaths of four minstrels
And the deadly Altamont
Killed the Summer of Love
It was gone
But some carried the mytharc
And keep it to this day
Hidden behind corporate maneuvers
Inked on their sleeves
Framed by their countenances
It is here
I keep the sacred flame alight
It lives on within me

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Cigarette

Oh for one forbidden smoke
Oh for the peace that swirls
Like lovely but deadly incense
Around my sacred body
And into my fractured mind
Oh for the rush of joy
Turning quickly to guilt
I can assuage the guilt
With another craved and craven
Cigarette

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Job Offer, Part II

Well it’s not as beneficial as it appeared at first. For one thing, the patient lives in “upper” Hillsborough, near 280. I can’t get to it without a car. There is no bus service in Hillsborough.

For another, I fear that Gloria may be a meth addict. I know whereof I speak. She moves and speaks very rapidly, and I saw her conduct something that looked like a drug deal in the alley. She is a bundle of nerves. She is scattered. She expresses emotions in a volatile fashion. She is skinny and sucked-up. She totally evinces behavior that is typical of meth use.

I don’t know that I can trust her.

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The Job Offer

I haven’t worked in six years, so any kind of job offer is sweet. This one involves a “Driving Miss Daisy” scenario, in which I drive an elderly woman in early dementia around in her brand-new Mercedes, and keep her company, make sure she takes her medications, and so on.

I learn the details, like hours, pay, location, duties and so forth, tomorrow.

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Heavy Red, Revisited

Isn’t Heavy Red awesome? I’m hoping that with my new job, I’ll be able to afford some of their clothes! I picked out a red corset, black top, black and grey schoolgirl skirt and darling red floral fishnet thigh-highs. To die, ladies! I’m not sure where I’ll wear the stuff but I’ll figure something out.

No, these are not approved Mormon clothes, but I won’t be wearing them to church.

I checked out this site, ModBod, that has modest clothing. Booooring! I’m feeling quite a bit rebellious today! I can’t make myself wear ugly clothes, except to church, where it’s expected. And I hate spending money on ugly clothes.

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Me and My Bipolar, Part IV

So. I have been hospitalized so many times that I’ve lost count. It’s been over 30 times. I was hospitalized three times last year, none so far this year (knock on wood). Once for a meth-induced psychosis. I’d been tearing hunks out of my face in the mistaken belief that I had cockroaches under my skin.

The second time was related to meth, too. I was high on it so I took extra oxycodone to counteract it. So I accidentally overdosed on oxycodone, and the ER physicians had to give me Narcon to save my life.

The third time, I went in voluntarily to detox from oxycodone. It was plush. I had a private room with TV and all the snacks I could consume.

Where does the bipolar come in with all this addiction stuff? Well, bipolars are much more likely to turn to drugs to solve their problems than those in the general population.

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